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Rethinking Socialization
Most people think socialization means helping your dog learn to “like” other dogs and people. Exposure, friendliness, and saying hi at the park are usually the benchmarks. And on the surface, that makes sense—you want your dog to feel comfortable in the world, not anxious or shut down.
But a lot of dogs don’t build comfort through interaction. For them, it comes through calm, predictable exposure—being near the action without pressure to participate. Just getting used to the world and learning how to move through it without going over threshold. What we’re really working toward is a dog who can stay regulated and responsive in the presence of other dogs, people, and distractions. That kind of stability creates real freedom.
What Does Reactivity Really Mean?
Reactivity doesn’t always look aggressive. Sometimes it’s barking or growling from fear. Other times, it’s excited pulling and whining that people assume means their dog is friendly. “He just wants to say hi!” is something I hear constantly—and sometimes that’s exactly what’s happening. But if that excitement shows up every time your dog sees another dog, and it gets reinforced here and there, it starts to become the default.
A dog who pulls hard and sometimes gets to greet will keep pulling. Same thing with barking at the window or fence—if it helps them release frustration or gets a reaction, it sticks. These patterns often start early, and usually with good intentions. Lots of greetings. Trips to the dog park. Encouragement to go say hi. But when dogs start expecting interaction every time, it can set them up for frustration when access is denied.
Why “Saying Hi” Starts Causing Problems
These patterns tend to show up in environments we think are helping—like busy walking routes, daycare, group play, or dog parks.
When dogs get over-aroused just from seeing another dog, that energy can start feeding into itself. One pulls, the other reacts, tension rises, and things spiral. Sometimes it ends in a snap or scuffle—not because the dogs are aggressive, but because there’s too much stimulation and not enough clarity.
Even when it doesn’t escalate, repeated, unpredictable interactions can shape how a dog feels about seeing other dogs going forward. If a greeting turns chaotic or uncomfortable, even once, that imprint can linger. If it happens often, the dog starts to anticipate that tension. Research backs this up—brief but stressful social events can influence emotional responses long-term (Beerda et al., 1998; Dreschel, 2010). And dogs who practice high-arousal behavior regularly tend to default to it.
You see this more in places without structure. Dog parks, loosely supervised group play, uncontrolled hallway greetings. Even confident dogs can start rehearsing patterns that work against them. A study by Salonen et al. (2020) found that dogs with less structured early experiences showed higher levels of impulsivity and excitability—traits that make regulation harder in adulthood.
A quick note on dog parks: Even when everything seems fine, the structure just isn’t there. Dogs rush the gate. One dog tries to walk away but gets followed, barked at, or mounted. A well-meaning dog chases another who clearly isn’t having fun. Often, the owner is out of sight, not realizing their dog is creating pressure the other dog can’t avoid. It’s not that something always goes wrong. It’s that there’s rarely enough structure to keep things on track.
Even “friendly” dogs can end up practicing behavior that’s harder to undo later. I’ll talk more about dog parks in another post, but for now, ask yourself: is this really helping your dog learn what you want them to repeat?
Why On-Leash Greetings Complicate Things
Letting dogs say hi on leash feels harmless, especially if they’re “good with other dogs.” But it tends to work against the walk.
The leash adds tension, both physically and emotionally. Even if your dog is friendly, they’re learning that pulling or barking might work. And if they’re allowed to greet sometimes but not others, they start to feel conflicted about what’s expected.
That inconsistency makes it harder to build a calm, neutral mindset on walks.
When Social Turns Into Struggle
A client story
I worked with a client whose dog, Milo, had been social from the start. As a puppy, he greeted every dog on walks. His owner made sure to give him lots of interaction—dog park visits, meetups, walks with friends’ dogs. In the beginning, it seemed like a great foundation.
But over time, Milo started pulling toward every dog he saw. If he couldn’t get to them, he barked, whined, and threw himself into the leash. At first it was just excitement. But the barking became its own outlet. He started barking at the window, at the fence, at anything dog-shaped he couldn’t access. The frustration just kept building.
Milo’s not aggressive, but he’s learned to overreact when he can’t interact. What started as well-meaning social exposure became a daily struggle. We’ve been working on calm walking, leash communication, and building neutrality. It’s going well, but it’s a lot easier to prevent this pattern than to unwind it once it’s built.
Milo’s story isn’t unusual. It’s what happens when dogs are taught to expect interaction instead of learning how to tolerate proximity.
What We're Really Aiming For
A dog who can walk calmly down a sidewalk without pulling toward everyone. A dog who can lie down next to you at a café, ignore the dog across the street, and stay settled when the energy around them shifts.
They’re not shut down. They’re aware, grounded, and able to regulate themselves. Those are the dogs that get more freedom—and more access to the life you want them to be part of.
How to Practice Neutrality
For puppies, this kind of groundwork matters even more. Experiences between 3 and 14 weeks can shape how they handle the world for life. Research supports that early, low-stress, well-structured exposure helps dogs develop resilience and confidence (Appleby et al., 2002; Bray et al., 2022). But that doesn’t mean more interaction is always better. It’s about creating the right kind of exposure—calm, manageable, and developmentally appropriate.
Whether you’re raising a puppy or working with an adult dog, the approach stays the same: exposure without pressure to engage. Some ways to start:
Start small. Pick calm, low-distraction places at first. Practice leash walking, down-stays, or duration place work.
Use activity as a backdrop. Hang out near the dog park, not inside it. Let the energy be background noise.
Reward calm. Mark and reinforce soft eyes, stillness, and moments of disengagement.
Avoid mixed signals. If you allow on-leash greetings sometimes, your dog learns to expect them. Keep the walk focused on walking.
Step in when needed. Advocate for your dog. They shouldn’t have to manage every situation on their own.
Neutrality takes time to build, but it pays off in reliability and real-world ease for both of you.
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